Message from a wounded soul, patched on the battlefield of life

"I think the big mistake in schools is trying to teach children anything, and by using fear as the basic motivation. Fear of getting failing grades, fear of not staying with your class, etc. Interest can produce learning on a scale compared to fear as a nuclear explosion to a firecracker... I never learned anything at all in school and didn't read a book for pleasure until I was 19 years old." -Stanley Kubrick

Maybe I am not the most brilliant mind of the 21st Century and that is fine by me, I never intended to be thought of that way. I do however wish to be respected for my mind, my intellect, my heart and my devotion. I understand now that we all need a break from ourselves in order to find ourselves. Part of the reason I have not written in such a long while is because I have needed to do a lot of self reflecting. I needed to step away from who I was in order to catch my breathe.

I have realized a lot about the world, more than I thought I would. I am more focused on my goals, and what I ultimately want out of life. I know what I am willing to do to get there, and what I am not. I also learned a valuable lesson these past few years posting on this blog. I learned that being open to the public, naked and vulnerable, can be quite scary and at the same time invigorating. It helped me more than it hurt me, at least until the recently. I learned the most valuable lesson (the hard way) that you have to draw a line about what you are willing to share compared to who you are willing to share it with. Sure it is ok to share some of your deepest thoughts, and fears to people half a world away, It's only ones and zeros to your subconscious. However, when it comes to those you know up close and personally... It is hard for them to understand the difference between merely a state of mind or a random thought than ones true feelings and intentions.

With such knowledge I want to offer my apologies to those who have read my blog loyally over the past few years. I am truly sorry for ceasing to be as open and as forthcoming as I once was. I am sorry to for not posting more often lately, and no matter what no excuse is good enough. I do have strong reasons and I hope you can live and let live in this ever changing community we have in the blogsphere.

My dear friends, I profess to you: I am back and better than ever. My goal is to be more open while still thinking more carefully about what I post versus what I choose to keep to myself. I also hope to post more, like I have said before, of my writing. This I believe is a true test of the faith I have in myself. I now have the chance to write, and I am gaining more skill everyday. My mind is a flutter with ideas and thoughts and I want to share them with you. I want your feedback; The good, the bad, the ugly.

So until I find something more worthy to write about, you are stuck with this apology/promise.

I bid you all goodnight, and a safe weekend.

-Johnny D. Crow