Revelations of a Man; Part I

Character is doing the right thing when nobody's looking. There are too many people who think that the only thing that's right is to get by, and the only thing that's wrong is to get caught.
- J. C. Watts

It is nothing short of a miracle that I am writing this. Before I divulge what this is about, I have to tell you that I had the my first date in over 3 years last night. It was good. Simple. Dinner, Movie, Home. It felt good to be able to go out and be with somebody. I hope it turns out to be more, but if not... It is still good to know that I can do this.

Now onto the topic at hand:

I have decided in part of some recent dreams & thoughts I have had recently that I will do what I call a "Revelation Letter". A letter designed to get all that is bothering you out in the open. No secrets are too big. It may be hard for people to fully admit some things, and it may even be harmful to some relationships. I am aware of the consequences and am still going on with it. I will not reveal all today because somethings just take time. Enough stalling, here is Part I:

(note: there is no particular order, they are simply listed as they come to me.)

1. I had my first sexual experience at 4 1/2 years old.

2. I am more conservative than my friends think I am, but only in my personal life.

3. I am obsessive compulsive when it comes to information. So bad sometimes that I have to stop myself from researching peoples backgrounds before or after I meet them.

4. I dream in color at least one a week about the same thing. It is not a pretty dream, and I have not told anyone about it. It is about a moment in my future, my crowning glory, and my death.

5. I cry almost every time I take a shower.

6. Yes I have had a gay experience, and No I did not enjoy it.

7. I have NEVER smoked marijuana, but I have been addicted to codeine.

8. I was once questioned by government personnel regarding the acquisition of classified materials, and I am not allowed to talk about specific details.

9. I am secretly competitive with my friends. Sometimes way to often.

10. I have watched six people die. I am haunted by the faces daily.

11. I had a slight affair (no sex) with a teacher of mine in 7th grade.

12. My Penis is 7 1/4 inches long, and I am happy with it. (and its freckle)

13. I used to be embarrassed that at 13 I had to help my own father learn to read.

14. I have intentionally failed at tasks because I was afraid at success.

15. I have only had intercourse with 3 women in my life. I can name all Three.

16. I once stole money from a church

17. I once had sex at a church

18. I used to throw away a lot of my writing because I thought I wasn't good enough.

19. I used to pour hot wax, and cut myself to get away from my depression.

20. I have not been in a relationship for over 4 years because I have pushed people away, and because I was afraid to try and love again. (not anymore)


That is enough for now. All I can do is wait for the ensuing backlash, and try to get through it. I hope whoever reads this does so with kindness in their heart, and understanding in their soul.